My Son Doesn't Feed Himself. What Should I Do?

{Guest post I contributed to the Love Child Organics blog. } Thanks to the Love Child Organics community member who asked a question regarding her 9 month old son. “My son doesn't feed himself. He is 9 months and has been eating finger foods since about 7 months. Is there something I can do to help this? Or will it just come to him?”

 Without doing a full assessment I can't tell you for sure why he isn't feeding himself. Here are common causes that I see and their solutions.

Why Babies Don't Feed Themselves

1. Medical conditions or developmental concerns. Because you didn't mention it, I'm assuming that your son doesn't have any medical conditions or developmental concerns that would affect his dexterity/ motor control.
2. Missing role models. Kids learn from watching others - particularly older kids and adults. If no one else is eating there isn't anyone to act as a role model for how to do it. Also, eating is a social activity for us human beings. Kids of all ages eat better when adults join them at the table.
3. Temperament (also known as personality). Some little ones are what I call "outsourcers". They're happy to sit back and let others do things for them instead of doing the hard work of figuring it out themselves. Because learning to self-feed does take work at this stage.
4. Over-helpful caregivers. Sometimes parents (and other caregivers) have such strong desires to help their little ones that they jump in and "help" instead of sitting back and allowing their little one figure things out for themselves. This can sometimes also be fuelled by impatience and/or anxiety about your little one getting enough to eat. The result is a learned helplessness.

If the cause is #1 then working with an Occupational Therapist can be a great help.

The solution to #2 is to sit and eat with your child. Ideally, eat the same foods too. This way you're sending a message loud and clear that you want him to eat what’s in front of him. And, you’re creating the social environment that’s most conducive to eating and learning.

The solution to #3 and #4 is the same. Resist the urge to jump in and "help". You're actually being more helpful by holding off and allowing him to learn the skills himself.  

Bottom Line: Just like learning any new skill, kids learn to feed themselves with finger foods at different rates. Join your child at the table and give them the opportunity to practice. They’ll learn this new skill in their own timing that’s perfect just for them.

Click this link to get tips on introducing solid foods, finger foods, and more child nutrition topics in your inbox.

Baby Feeding: What Does it Mean When I See Whole Pieces?

Thank you to the parent at a recent workshop in Victoria BC who asked this baby feeding question: "What does it mean when I see whole pieces of food in my baby’s poop?" It’s amazing the topics of conversation that you have once becoming a parent, eh?! This Mom had recently started feeding her baby finger foods and was seeing pieces of food in her baby’s diaper. It’s often not talked about, but when you start to feed your baby solid foods, you will see a change in their bowel movements.

When it comes to baby feeding: Change what’s going in and it’ll change what comes out the other end.

It’s normal for babies to have smellier and more solid bowel movements once they start eating solid foods. This will be particularly noticeable if you were exclusively breastfeeding your baby before introducing solid foods.

It’s also normal for bowel movements to be less frequent. They may not be every day. This doesn’t mean that your baby is constipated. It’s the normal transition from very quickly digested (and naturally low fibre) breastmilk or formula to solids which require more digestion.

Signs of constipation include your baby straining (which is different than the (hilarious) “I’m concentrating” face that many babies make) or being in pain when having a bowel movement.

Baby Feeding: So, What Does it Mean When You See Whole Pieces?

To get back to this Mom’s question, it’s normal to see whole pieces of food in your baby’s poop. Corn is a classic for making diaper appearances. It just means that they swallowed the piece without chewing/mashing it enough for their stomach and intestine to digest it. There’s no harm in this. It’s part of the process of learning to eat.

Another bowel movement appearance that shocks and worries many parents for the first time happens after eating beets. Beets will cause baby’s poop to be dark red. It’s not blood. It’s just the molecules that make beets ruby red coming out the other end. These same molecules can cause urine to be pink too.

The Mom went on to ask me if their baby got any nutrition from the pieces of food. The answer is, for the most part no. The food’s passed through largely undigested so their body didn’t have the opportunity to absorb the nutrients from this piece.

In summary, as your baby starts to eat more solid foods, expect their bowel movements to change.

Looking for more help with feeding your baby? Check out my In-Home Instruction service.

How to Stop Kids Begging for Food While You’re Cooking

Kids begging for food while you're cooking. Do you experience this common situation? You rush home from work and daycare pick-up, drop your bag and coat, and immediately get to work in the kitchen making dinner (or should I say figuring out what’s for dinner and then making it?). As you’re cooking, your little one suddenly is famished. They’re underfoot, claiming that they’re “staaaarrrvvving” and begging you for something to eat. Saying that they couldn’t possibly wait the 10 minutes until dinner is ready.

What do you do? Do you reach into the fridge or cupboard for a stop-gap snack? Hand them pieces of food from the cutting board? Shoo them away (again and again), telling them that dinner will be ready in 10 minutes?

If you’re like many of the parents who ask me how to handle this situation, then you likely give them a stop-gap snack or pieces of food from the cutting board because it feels awful to tell a hungry child “no”. The thanks that you get? When it’s time to sit down for dinner, your child tells you that they aren’t hungry and they misbehave to get out of having to continue sitting at the table.

Having kids underfoot while you’re cooking isn’t a good idea for several reasons:

1. Safety. It’s not safe to have little ones underfoot when you’ve got sharp knives, hot pans, and scalding water. The kitchen should be a ‘no go zone’ for kids when adults are cooking. That is unless you’re cooking together.
2. Speed. Stopping to give handouts slows you down and interrupts your thoughts about dinner. So it actually makes it take longer to get dinner on the table.
3. Encouraging not eating dinner. Little kids find sitting still a challenge – including sitting still to eat meals. By feeding them a stop-gap snack or food off the cutting board, you’re taking away one of the most powerful allies that you have in getting kids to sit and eat a meal – hunger. Your good intentions are actually getting in the way of creating the family meal experience that you’re aiming for.
4. Poorer nutrition. Studies show that kids who snack all day have less balanced diets. They eat more than the recommended servings of grain products and fewer protein foods and vegetables and fruit.

Strategies to Stop Kids Begging Food When Cooking

In working with families over the past 8 years, I’ve come up with a few, practical ways to stop what I call ‘panhandling for food’.  Perhaps one of these will be the right solution in your home.

They all start with you sitting down with your child and explaining that there will be a new household rule: kids aren’t allowed in the kitchen while Mom or Dad is cooking dinner.

• After School (Daycare) Snack. Serve your child a planned snack while she is sitting at the table.  This is a great option for families who eat a later dinner (at least 1 hour after the snack ends). Serve foods from 2 or more food groups. It can be as simple as offering your child the food that she didn’t eat from her lunch. I’ve known countless kids who happily tuck into the very same food from their lunchbox that didn’t pass the test at lunchtime. I have no idea why but it doesn’t matter. If it was a healthy choice at lunch, it’s an equally healthy choice at after school/daycare snack. Enjoy talking with your child about her day while you start preparing dinner.  Why it works: you’re sticking to your role of choosing when meals and snacks are served, eating at the table is reinforced, you can control what’s on the menu at this snack time to keep balance in your child’s eating, your child gets fed when she’s hungry, there’s enough time for your child to build an appetite again before dinner, your child isn’t a safety hazard in the kitchen.
• Crudites at the table. ‘Crudites’ is just a fancy term for raw veggies. Before starting to prepare dinner, cut up some raw veggies and place them in a bowl. Serve them at the table. Let your child come to the table and eat as many veggies as he wishes. Why it works: it’s perfectly normal to have hors d’oeuvres before a meal, you’re sticking to your role of choosing when meals and snacks are served, eating at the table is reinforced, you can control what’s on the menu to keep balance in your child’s eating, your child gets fed when he’s hungry, your child isn’t a safety hazard in the kitchen.
• Screentime. First let me clarify that I’m not a proponent of copious amounts of screentime for kids. However, I do think that this is a practical case of the lesser of two evils. If you’re going to allow your child to watch TV, use a tablet, be on the computer, etc, I think that a good time to do it is to buy you 20 minutes to put a meal on the table. Why it works: you’re sticking to your role of choosing when meals and snacks are served, eating at the table is reinforced, your child isn’t a safety hazard in the kitchen.

Looking for more successful tips for feeding picky kids? Get them delivered directly in your inbox - click here.

Can I give finger foods if my baby doesn’t have teeth yet?

{Guest Post at Love Child Organics } Both in workshops and when providing in-home child feeding sessions, I’m often asked this question: "Can I give finger foods if my baby doesn’t have teeth yet?

The short answer is: yes! You don’t need to wait until little ones have teeth before feeding them finger foods.

Babies are ready for finger foods by 7 months, if not before. Many won’t have teeth (or very many teeth) by this age.

Your baby is likely ready for finger foods when you see the following:

• She can bring food to her mouth using her hand.
• He can eat thicker purees (the consistency of mashed potatoes).
• She can sit upright with minimal support.
• He is very interested in watching people eat and the food on your plate. He May even be grabbing for people’s food, plates, cups etc.

It’s amazing to watch what little ones can handle with their gums. So go ahead and offer finger food versions of a wide variety of foods that your family eats.

Bottom Line: Enjoy watching your little one discover the amazing variety of tastes and textures that food comes in!

For more info on baby food - both purees and Baby-Led Weaning (BLW), check out this blog post.

Does My 7 month old Baby Need Water?

Thank you to the VIP who asked this question: "Does my 7 month old baby need water?".  The short answer is: No. Seven month olds don’t need water. But, it’ a great time to start offering it to them anyways. Let me explain.

Baby Need Water?

We offer little ones solid foods starting at about 6 months of age for two reasons:

1. To meet their nutritional needs.
2. To provide the opportunity to learn eating skills.

At 7 months old, your baby will still be nipple feeding (i.e. breastfeeding or formula feeding) several times a day.  They’ll be meeting their need for fluids through nipple feeding. So, your little one doesn’t need water to meet their nutritional needs.

Open Cups

Learning to drink from a cup is a learned skill. Any time from 6 months onwards is a great time to start. From time-to-time, when your little one is sitting at the table, offer them a small amount of water (I’m talking an inch deep or less) in an open (lidless) cup. Yes, the first few times the water will pour down their face. A clever mom in one of my recent workshops shared how she dresses her little one in only a diaper when doing this – there’s less clean-up. Over time your little one will learn how to hold on to the cup, tip their head up just the right amount, and close their lips around the cup. It’s amazing how fast and how young they pick up this skill! Now you may have noticed that so far I’ve only been talking about using an open/ lidless cup.

Sippy Cups

That’s because kids don’t actually need a sippy cup. Sippy cups are helpful for parents because it means less spills. But they aren’t actually a developmental need for kids. In fact, sippy cups with the valves/ bladders in them teach your kids to suck – not sip. They aren’t actually any skill progression from a bottle. Removing the valve/ bladder gets kids moving back towards sipping instead of sucking. But it also means more spills. Some speech language professionals recommend cups with straws instead of sippy cups because of concerns about oral movement and development.

The Bottom Line

While your 7 month old baby doesn’t need water yet, it’s a great time to start offering the opportunity to learn how to drink from a cup. Sippy cups and cups with straws are handy ways to limit spills. But they aren’t needed for kids to learn how to drink from a cup.

Beets: What to Do with Them

Aah, beets. These versatile root veggies are one of my favourites! As a dietitian, part of my job is to know how to prepare healthy foods like beets. So I’m sharing a couple of my favourite ways to use them. A classic storage, root veggie, you can find local ones (fairly cheap) throughout the winter here in Victoria, BC.

And, because of their naturally sweet taste, many kids like them.

However, people often wonder what the heck to do with them. Here are some of my favourite ways to use them.

Grated – Raw Beets

Beets don’t even need to be cooked. Simply wash them, peel off the outer skin, and grate them into a salad.

It doesn’t get any easier than that!

Grated veggies are a fantastic finger food for little ones to practice that pincer grasp.

However, be warned – beets stain! Pick up pieces from all surfaces (including the floor) quickly.

Grated, raw beets are a delicious part of my lentil-farro power bowl (full meal salad).

Roasted Beets

When I’m turning on the oven to cook something, I often pop a few beets in at the same time – either for a warm side-dish today, or for chilled as a salad in the future.

1. Wash beets and cut off any long tails or furry top bits.
2. Cut a piece of tin foil large enough to wrap the beet in. Lay it on the counter, shiny side up. Pour a dollop of olive oil in the centre.
3. Roll the beet around in the oil to coat it. Wrap the tin foil tightly around the beet.
4. Repeat for each beet.
5. Place wrapped beets on a cookie tray or in a baking dish.
6. Roast until tender, how long this takes depends on the size of the beets and the heat of your oven – at 350 degrees F it may take as long as 2 hours; at 425 degrees F it may take as short as 45 min.

Beet and Bean Borscht

Check out this fantastic hearty and tasty full meal in one pot, vegetarian borscht here. While the recipe takes a little longer to cook, it makes a lot of soup. And, this soup tastes great re-heated. Freeze leftovers (without the yogurt or sour cream topping) in small batches. I wanted to share it not only because it’s so tasty, but because it’s handy to have healthy meals like this in the freezer when the busy holiday season starts up.

Beans, beets and cabbage are all super healthy (and inexpensive) that I’m always looking for new recipes. I picked up this little pamphlet at the Saskatchewan pavilion at the 2010 Olympics. Did you know that we grow tons of beans, split peas and lentils here in Canada?

If the mixed textures in this soup are too advanced for your little one, simply take beans and pieces of the veggies out of the soup and place them in your little one’s dish/ on their tray.

What to do About Halloween Candy

Hallowe’en is a fun and exciting holiday for kids. And, while as a parent you may not love the idea of all that Halloween candy, the last thing that you want to add to an already hectic day is a battle over food. Here’s some ideas about how to handle all that Halloween candy.

Before I go into the ideas, first let me tell you that I’ve never come across any research studies where they specifically looked at family rules for Halloween candy and how it impacted kids’ life-long eating habits. But there have been studies about how sweets/ junk food in general are handled in the home and it’s impact on life-long eating habits, so that’s on which I’m basing my advice.

Toddlers, Preschoolers and Halloween Candy

Take advantage of toddlers’ and preschoolers’ naiveté and short attention spans. Limit the number of homes at which you trick or treat to only 2 or 3. This way they get to be involved in the fun of the holiday, but there isn’t too much candy received.

School-Age Kids and Halloween Candy

For school-age kids, I turn to the excellent advice of expert Ellyn Satter.  I can’t say it any better than her, and because of copyright reasons I can’t cut and paste her advice, so use this link to read her short article here.

Candy Fairy / Switch Witch

I also like the idea of the growing tradition of the ‘Candy Fairy’ or ‘Switch Witch’. Inspired by the Tooth Fairy, kids can choose to leave out their candy for the ‘Candy Fairy’ who takes the candy away and leaves behind money. I’ve heard that some dentists and others are even getting in the act so that parents don’t have to pay out of pocket. An important point regarding this idea is that kids need to be able to have the choice of keeping their candy or leaving it for the ‘Switch Witch’. Remember, as Ellyn Satter shares, it’s important for kids to be given the opportunity to learn how to self-regulate with candy. The reality is that unhealthy food is all around us. It’s an important life skill to be able to make healthy choices.

And, if you’re still feeling anxious about your child and all that Halloween candy, I recommend taking a listen to exceptional story-teller Stuart MacLean tell about the antics of his fictional family. Here's the link to the podcast. I listened to it on the weekend and was laughing out loud. Not only was I laughing at the story that Stuart was telling, I was transported back to my own childhood and how my brother and I had such different Hallowe’en candy strategies. A child’s Halloween candy strategy is such an indication of their personality. Me: I ate it quickly. My brother’s pile, on the other hand, seemed to last forever, beckoning to me as I walked past his open bedroom door. I’m sure that he ate it so slowly, and put it on display, just to torture me. What do you remember about how you, and any siblings, managed your hauls?

Happy Halloween!

Check out my picky eating book for more successful tips for getting kids to eat well.

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Could What I'm Feeding My Toddler be Keeping them Awake?

Could What I’m Feeding my Toddler be Keeping them Awake? I'm often asked by parents about what foods are best at bedtime. And, if there's anything they shouldn't feed their kids before bed. There’s a lot of old wives tales and urban myths about foods and food ingredients either helping or hindering sleep, thus keeping toddlers awake. However, there isn’t strong evidence connecting specific foods and sleep –either preventing sleep or causing kids to fall asleep (and stay asleep).

Here’s a roundup of the most common foods that we hear are connected with sleep.

A Glass of Warm Milk

A glass of warm milk is a classic trick to help kids fall asleep. However, it’s unlikely that it’s the milk itself that makes kids sleepy. What’s more likely is that it’s the routine that gets kids ready for sleep. Kids thrive with routines. It signals to them what’s about to happen next in their world and it tells them what’s expected from them. This includes bedtime routine.

If you choose to have a bedtime snack, have a bedtime snack every day. Serve your child’s bedtime snack in the same place every day (I recommend sitting at the table). Join your child while he/she’s eating and have a conversation. Don’t talk (negotiate) about having two more bites. Instead enjoy the opportunity to connect, perhaps telling stories, talking about your day, etc. Then brush teeth and continue with the rest of the bedtime routine.

Sitting to eat together is an opportunity to connect with each other and wind down from the day. It’s a fantastic way to get kids prepared for falling asleep.

Sugar

Interestingly, when it’s tested in scientific studies, sugar doesn’t cause kids to be more active. Yet, countless parents can tell you that sugar makes their kids “hyper”. If your little one is having difficulty falling asleep, try keeping sugary treats as occasional daytime foods (as opposed to evening foods) and see if it has an effect on your little ones’ sleep.

Artificial Colours

There is mixed evidence in scientific studies about the effect of artificial colours and the preservative sodium benzoate on kids’ behaviour. Some studies have found that there is no effect on kids’ behavior. Other studies have found that some kids don’t react to these foods but some kids do react. The way to find out if your child is a member of the group of kids who may react, is to eliminate all foods with these additives from your child’s diet for a period of time and see if there’s a change in her/his behavior. Label reading for these foods can be challenging. So, if you’re thinking of testing your child’s reaction to an elimination diet, I recommend working with a dietitian to make sure that you’re catching all food sources and still making sure that your child’s getting all the nutrition that she/he needs.

Food Negotiations

Waking up hungry in the middle of the night can be a side-effect of battling at mealtimes with toddlers who are picky eaters. No-one loves a negotiation like a toddler! Unfortunately, they can enjoy winning the battle so much that they ignore their feelings of hunger resulting in waking up in the middle of the night because they’re hungry.

While it feels awful to hear a child tell you that they’re hungry, resist feeding them a snack in the middle of the night. Feeding snacks in the night rewards kids for not eating at mealtimes. Also, it role models eating snacks in the middle of the night (which we don’t want to encourage). Instead, focus on removing the battles at daytime meals and snacks. How to remove the battles? Well, that’s what I share with you here at my blog. Sign-up to never again miss a toddler nutrition tip (or recipe).

How to Deal with Throwing Food (and Cups, Plates, Utensils, etc) on the Floor

{Guest post on the Love Child Organics blog: http://www.lovechildorganics.com/blog/ } A parent asked the following question: “How to deal with throwing food and cups on the floor”.  Almost every child goes through a stage where they throw onto the floor anything within reach from their highchair – food, plates, bowls, cups, utensils, etc.

The good news is that you can nip this behaviour in the bud and make it disappear from your mealtime and snacktime routines.

The bad news is that sometimes, inadvertently, you (and other adults) can be fuelling this behaviour.

The secret is to figure out what’s causing your little one to throw food and address the root cause.

Kids throw food for a number of reasons. Here are the 3 most common that I’ve experienced in my years of working with families. And, here’s how to get your child to stop:

[Note that the following are all assuming that your child is intentionally throwing items on the floor. Unintentionally knocking things over as a result of being clumsy and inefficient at self-feeding is normal and expected. Accept your child’s messiness as a part of learning the tricky skills of self-feeding.]

1.  Cause: It creates a strong reaction from you. Toddlers LOVE to cause something to happen. I could go as far as saying that they’re obsessed with creating a reaction. This is why it’s so exciting to push the elevator button – because little ol’ me made the elevator move! If throwing food causes you to react – whether it’s to pick their cup back up off the floor, scold your child, etc, they’re relishing their power to make you do something. As the saying goes, negative attention is still attention. Solution: Ignore the behaviour. Respond with a simple: “we don’t throw food on the floor.” And, don’t give them back their items that they’ve dropped. They may respond with a tantrum or meltdown this time. But they’ll quickly learn to keep things that they want to eat on their tray and the throwing food on the floor will stop.
2.  Cause: The dog eats it. This is similar to #1. Toddlers find it hilarious to feed the dog. Solution: Keep your dog out of the eating area. Either train your dog to lie outside the room during meal and snack times, or use a baby gate to block their access. Keeping the dog out of the room is the only solution that I’ve ever found to this problem. I’ve never found a way to get kids to stop enjoying “sharing” their food with their canine partners in crime J
3.  Cause: It’s the only way that you’ll “hear” them say “I’m full”. I see this again and again. Well-meaning parents won’t accept that their child has eaten enough at a particular meal or snack. They feel that their child needs to eat more (usually due to concern that they aren’t meeting their nutrition needs). So even though their child is giving clear signals, either using words, sign language, or body signals, parents keep pushing their child to eat more. Kids keep escalate their “I’m full” signals until they throw the food on the floor. Throwing food on the floor usually causes their parents to finally allow them to stop eating. As a result the meal is now over and both adults and kids are equally upset. Solution: Trust your child to know when they’re satisfied. Babies are born knowing when they’re hungry and when they’re satisfied.  Allow your child to choose how much to eat at each occasion.  It’s normal for kids to eat a lot some days and very little on other days. You’ll make sure that your child is getting the nutrition that they need by offering foods at about 5 – 6 meals and snacks each day. And, watching their progress on their growth charts. Respect and trust your child in this way. The result is that meals will end with everyone in a good mood (and with less mess to clean up).

Check out my picky eating book for more successful toddler nutrition tips.

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Can I give finger foods if my baby doesn’t have teeth yet?

Thank you to the parent who asked me this week’s question: "My baby doesn’t have any teeth yet. Can I give her finger foods?" The short answer is: yes! You don’t need to wait until a baby has teeth before giving finger foods.

Babies are ready for finger foods by 7 months, if not before.

Many babies won’t have teeth (or very many teeth) by this age.

It’s amazing to watch what they can handle with their gums. So go ahead and offer finger food versions of a wide variety of foods that your family eats.

Enjoy watching your little one discover the amazing variety of tastes and textures that food comes in!

Check out this video for iron-rich finger foods for babies.

Does She Ever Get Ice Cream?

Guest post on the Love Child Organics Blog: http://www.lovechildorganics.com/blog/

A parent asked the following question:

How to handle dessert and treats. If a three year old never eats much of her meals, and we’re not meant to say, “no ice-cream unless you eat your dinner” does she ever get ice-cream?

This is a question that I’m asked all the time. In fact, it’s probably the most common preschooler nutrition question that I’m asked!

It’s very common for there to be a rule that kids must eat a certain number of bites of their vegetables/protein-foods/ dinner in order to “earn” dessert or treats.

The intentions behind it are laudable – you’re a good parent who wants your kids to eat healthy food and get good nutrition.

However, this rule not only starts mealtime battles, it actually teaches kids the opposite of what you’re intending.

Afterall, if you say that your child needs to eat 4 bites of broccoli before ‘earning’ her ice cream, then it opens the door for her to negotiate with you for only 3 or 2 bites. Or, for the size of the bites to be miniscule. It’s frustrating for you. And it’s a fantastic power struggle game that your preschooler will love.

What this rule is actually teaching kids is that healthy food is an awful chore that deserves to be rewarded. And, it reinforces that the treat food is amazing.

Studies show that kids who need to ‘earn’ treat foods in this way, when given unrestricted access to treats, will eat more of them, and at the expense of healthier foods. In other words, while making your child eat those 2 bites of broccoli before getting ice cream may get some broccoli into your child today, it’s at the expense of your child learning to choose to eat (and enjoy) broccoli.

So the parent who submitted the question is right – I recommend not saying “no ice-cream unless you eat your dinner”.

Instead, I recommend that you do what I call ‘control the menu’.

You choose what’s going to be served at each meal and snack. Sometimes this includes ice cream and other treats. Allow your child to eat as much as she/he wants of any and all the foods that you’ve served.

Yes, this may mean that she eats nothing but ice cream for dinner. It’s tough, but you need to let it go (as a dietitian I admit that I find this difficult too).

The way to influence your child to choose healthier foods is to: 1. Control how often ice cream (and other treats) are on the menu. For example, dessert isn’t served every night. 2. Role model eating (and enjoying) your non-treat foods in addition to your ice cream.

By using these two strategies, you’ll not only get healthy food into your child today, but you’ll be instilling in them a life-long habit of healthy eating.

How Much is Enough Food for My Baby?

A big thank you to the parent who shared this question: "How much is enough food for my baby? Tonight I thought I would give in and see how it went. He polished off……. While she was specifically talking about how much food to provide at bedtime snack, I’m asked this question a lot, in fact I’m asked it at almost every workshop.

It’s quite an easy one to answer. And, the answer of how much food to give your baby applies to any meal or snack:

As much as they are hungry for.

Now at my workshops, this answer usually is met with confused faces. So, let me expand.

As the adult, it’s your role to provide opportunities to eat 5 or 6 times a day. It’s your child’s role to choose how much to eat.

I recognize that it’s difficult to trust them to know how much to eat. But it really is best to do so.

We’re born being able to know when we are hungry and when we are satisfied. Over time, through social pressures, we learn to not listen to our bodies and instead look to external cues for how much to eat. This is a contributor to eating disorders and obesity.

Studies show that when kids are raised in households where they’re told to stop eating before they’re satisfied (i.e. because the adult believes that their child has “had enough”), they learn to sneak food and gorge on food when they get the opportunity.

On the flip side, when kids are forced to eat more than they are hungry for, they learn to over-ride their bodies’ signals and they learn to overeat.

Instead, trust your child to listen to their bodies and eat as much as their bodies tell them. How much is enough food for your baby will vary from day-to-day. Some days they’ll eat so much that you don’t know where they’re putting it all. Other days they’ll eat so little that you won’t know where they’re getting their energy from.

You’ll know that your baby is getting enough to eat when they have lots of energy and their growth is tracking along their curve on their growth chart.

So, while the VIP who shared this question thought that she was “giving in”, she was actually doing the best thing for her child – teaching him to listen to and respect his own body. Great job Mom!

Check out my picky eating kids book for more tips on feeding your child to meet their nutrition needs.

I Don't Like That! Give Me Something Else!

{Originally posted as a guest post on Love Child Organics http://www.lovechildorganics.com/blog/} The following question was asked on the Love Child Organics Facebook page: "How do we get our 3 year old to stop saying "I don't like that, give me something else!" at every meal?"

This is such a classic 3 year old move!

It typically comes from two different root causes – both based on a 3 year old’s developmental stage. Because I’m not in this parent’s home, I can’t determine which one is the cause. So here’s a description of both causes. The good news is that the solution is the same, regardless of the root cause.

"I Don't Like That" Root Cause #1:

It’s frustrating but it’s a 3 year old’s ‘job’ to push boundaries. At this developmental stage they spend most of each day trying to control each and every situation. It’s a normal part of them exploring how:

• He/she is an individual,
• She/he has choice, and
• There are some rules that he/she doesn’t get a say in.

"I Don't Like That" Root Cause #2:

Most 3 year olds are at a developmental stage where they’re afraid to try new foods. I call this stage ‘food-wariness’. Three-year-olds don’t have the language to express that the food you’ve served makes them anxious. So instead they say that they “hate it”. You’ll know that your child has reached this stage if they announce that they hate something before they’ve ever tried it.

Solution

Regardless of whether your child is enjoying pushing your buttons (root cause #1) or afraid of trying the food (root cause #2), the absolute best way to get a child to stop asking this question is to not get them something different to eat the very first time that they ask. And, to not make kids try “just one bite”. Instead, tell them that they don’t have to eat it – it’s their choice. But you aren’t making anything else for dinner. And let them know when the next time is that you’ll be serving food – e.g. bedtime snack.

This way you are putting in a firm boundary – i.e. not making something else. But you’re giving them the ability to control the situation (which they want so desperately) because they get to control whether or not they eat the food.

After asking a few times (perhaps with a meltdown/temper tantrum or two), they’ll realize that this is one of the rules that they don’t get a say in. They’ll realize that they truly do have control over whether or not they eat the food. And, they’ll move on.

However, most of the parents whom I work with didn’t ‘nip this in the bud’. Because they’re amazing parents who want to make sure that their child gets the nutrition that she/he needs, they get up and make their child something different. While this may work in the short term (i.e. tonight), it backfires in the long term. Because what you’ve just taught you child is that what you serve for dinner is only one option. And, they simply have to say that they don’t like it to get another option. To a toddler, having the power to make your parents do things is the ultimate score. And they’ve just found out a way to do it!

The solution is actually the same as if you ‘nipped it in the bud’ – but with the addition of telling them about this new rule before you implement it.

1. Tell your child that there will be a new rule in the house. Describe the new rule.
2. At the next dinner, when your child rejects what you’ve served and asks for something different, remind them of the new rule and don’t get them something different to eat.
3. Remind them that it’s their choice whether or not to take any bites.
4. Let them know when the next time is that you’ll be serving food – e.g. bedtime snack.
5. If they complain of being hungry later, have a discussion with them about how they’re feeling hungry now because they chose not to eat anything at dinner. Tomorrow they can have the opportunity to make a different choice. Remind them of when the next time is that you’ll be serving food – e.g. bedtime snack.

While it’s an awful feeling to know that your child is hungry, this method, called the Division of Responsibility for Feeding, has been proven by scientific studies to actually increase kids’ openness to trying new foods, leading to better nutritional health.

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Is There Really Progress If Kids Consistently DON’T Eat It?

I received the following question from a parent: "…reading about how "you may have to serve a particular food as many as X times before they will eat it": is there really progress in serving a food if kids consistently DON'T eat it?  Like don't even try it / does not go anywhere near their mouth or even their hand?  I feel as though I have probably served various vegetables to my son well over a hundred times and he still doesn't eat them, and still doesn't even come close to trying them.  And frankly, I wonder how he will ever come to try them since he seems stubborn enough to continue dodging them for many years to come...  

I can hear your frustration in your writing. The truth is that there is no guaranteed way that you can get your child to like a particular food.

But don’t give up!

There absolutely is progress…even if they don’t try it!

By seeing the food over and over again, you are normalizing the food for your child. Many kids are honestly scared to try new foods. The more times that they see it (even if they don’t try it), the less scary it becomes. And, by seeing you (and other influential people) eat it, it helps them come to trust the food.

You never know when the magical day will come that your child will try it. If you stop serving it now you’ll never know if it would have been the next time, or the time after that.

Here are some tips to follow to make sure that each time you’re serving these vegetables you’re maximizing the likeliness that he’ll try them:

• Make sure there isn’t any pressure to try (and like) foods. Many picky eaters are sensitive kids. They can feel pressure coming from you a mile away. By preparing and serving foods you’ve indicated that you want them to eat it. Enough said. Instead, focus your energy on enjoying each other during this family time. It seems counter intuitive, but the more pleasant the table experience, the more likely kids are to try new foods.
•  Give small servings. A small serving is less intimidating than a large one. If he tries it and likes it, he can ask for more. If he doesn’t, then you’re minimizing your food waste.
• No “one bite rule” (also known as the “no thank you bite”). While the “one bite rule” may work for some kids, it only fuels picky eating in many, many kids. And while it may get one bite of that food in your child today, it isn’t teaching him to like these foods. What he’s learning is to eat to please others – the opposite of mindful eating.
•  Allow touching, licking and spitting out. For picky eaters, putting a food in their mouths is a very intimate action. These steps allow a child to ‘get to know’ a food before eating it. Teach your child how to do these activities with good manners (such as spitting food out into their napkin).

And, last but not least, rest assured that even if your child never develops a taste for specific vegetables, he can still have good nutritional health – we humans do best when we eat a variety of foods. There’s no one individual specific food that we must eat in order to be healthy. Which is a good thing because I still haven’t learned to like Brussels sprouts yet (and yes, I do keep trying them). However, an openness to trying different foods is a key (and learned) skill necessary for having a healthy relationship with food. By continuing to present these vegetables, this is exactly what you’re teaching your child. Great job!

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What to do When Your Toddler Can Spot a Carrot at 100 Paces

{Guest post on the Love Child Organics blog: http://www.lovechildorganics.com/blog/} Catherine asked the following question on the Love Child Organics Facebook page: “Toddlers and vegetables... What do you do when your toddler can spot a carrot at 100 paces?!”

Catherine, you’re not alone in having this conundrum. In fact, this is probably the most frequent question that I’m asked!

Vegetables are the most common food group that toddlers don’t like to eat. Research suggests that it’s because young taste buds are more sensitive to the bitter flavour compounds naturally present in many vegetables.

But, this doesn’t mean that you need to throw up your hands and never serve your child another vegetable until they’re 21!

Before I share successful strategies, I want to let you know two really important points: 1. Fruits and vegetables are in the same food group in Canada’s Food Guide. If your child eats fruit, they’re getting many of the nutrients found in vegetables. 2. As a parent it’s not your job to make your child eat specific foods. Bribing, forcing, and other tactics may get your child to eat that bite of broccoli today, but it doesn’t teach him/her to like vegetables. And, it will likely make it more difficult to get him/her to eat that same bite of broccoli tomorrow. Instead, it’s adults’ role to provide the opportunity to eat a variety of foods. And, it’s a child’s role to choose what and how much to eat from what’s been provided to him/her. The more you overstep your role, even when you do so with the best of intentions, the less likely it is that your child will eat vegetables.

Here are strategies that do work to encourage kids to eat vegetables (including carrots): • Repeat, repeat, repeat. It’s difficult to have the patience needed when your little one refuses to eat a food that you’d really like them to eat. But studies do show that the more times you present a food, the more likely your child will be to eat it. • Allow touching, smelling, licking, and spitting out. For many kids, putting a food in their mouths is a very intimate action. All of these activities let a child get to know the food. Encourage them to explore the food this way as a part of working themselves up to eating it. • Present the vegetable in various ways. For example, just because your child hasn’t liked steamed carrots it doesn’t mean that they won’t like them raw, or in a stir-fry, or in a casserole, or pureed, etc. • Use dip. A recent study found what many parents already know – that kids will be more likely to try, and will eat more of, a vegetable if they’re served with dip. • Give small servings. One tiny piece of carrot is much less intimidating than a large serving. If your child does eat it, they can always ask for more. If they don’t eat it, then you’re minimizing food waste. • Be a carrot-eating role model. I always say that the number one way to guarantee that your kids won’t eat vegetables is by not eating vegetables yourself. Role modeling is especially important for parents who are the same sex as their kids. For example, little boys pick up very quickly that ‘boys don’t eat vegetables’ if their Mom eats veggies but their Dad doesn’t. Serving the food and role modeling eating it sends the message loud and clear that you want your child to eat the food – you don’t need to say anything more.

The most important thing is to never give up. You never know when the magical day will come that your child will try, and like, carrots. It might be today, or next week, or perhaps your child will grow up and never be a fan of carrots. This is okay too. Afterall, one can be healthy even if they don’t eat carrots (as long as they eat a wide variety of other vegetables). You can even become a dietitian and not like Brussels sprouts (I know this first-hand – and yes, every winter I do try them again).

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Do Toddlers Like One-Pot Meals?

Thank you to the parent who sent in the following request for an article topic asking do toddlers like one-pot meals. In her own words “…whether toddlers tend to like a bunch of different foods in one plate (e.g. lots of choice), or a couple of choices, or a "one-pot meal")” I can answer this in one phrase – all of the above.

OK, I’m just kidding. I guess my parents’ scolding for being a “smart-alek” didn’t stick, LOL ☺

Toddler Food Preferences

To be straightforward, toddlers’ food preferences are as varied as everything else when it comes to kids. Some toddlers will like having many different foods on one plate, some toddlers will like having a couple of choices, and some toddlers do like one-pot meals. Over time you’ll find out which your child prefers.

That being said, more often than not, toddlers will prefer the first option. It’s very developmentally normal for toddlers and preschoolers to not want foods to touch. The science literature doesn’t know why.

Also, equally perplexing is why so many kids who don’t like their foods to touch, enjoy dips. Doesn’t the act of dipping involve making two foods touch? It’s just another example of how logic doesn’t apply in toddlerhood/preschooler-hood. So don’t bother arguing with your child about how the chicken that has touched the pea is the same as the chicken that hasn’t touched any peas. It’s a lesson in futility and, more likely than not, will end in anger.

Toddlers and One-Pot Meals

Now, just because your child will likely have a preference for foods that don’t touch or a preference for one-pot meals, it doesn’t mean that this is all you ever present to them.

As the wise Ellyn Satter says, “the goal of feeding your child is to have your child join you at the family table, not for you to join them at the highchair.”

In other words, when feeding your child you are actually achieving several goals. Yes, you are providing nutrition. But, you are also teaching them essential life skills, such as how to deal with the fact that one cannot exist on our favourite foods alone. And, that they are one member of the family – the entire world doesn’t revolve around them.

To achieve these multiple goals, day-to-day, present a variety of different styles of meals – styles that your family wants to eat. Sometimes there will be many different foods on one plate (commonly known as leftover night or buffets), sometimes there will be a couple of choices (such as the classic meat, potato, and side vegetable), and sometimes there will be one-pot meals (e.g. lasagna).

Deconstructing the meal can be a helpful strategy for serving one-pot meals for kids who prefer foods that don’t touch. To deconstruct a meal, serve each element from the meal separately to your little one. And, include one tiny piece of the foods touching. Using the lasagna example, serve your child some plain lasagna noodles, some sauce on the side, some plain lasagna filling (ricotta/ ground meat/ roasted vegetables etc), some plain grated cheese, and one tiny bite of the lasagna. This way:

• You’re all eating the same dish,
• You’re not having to prepare separate foods,
• Your child has the opportunity to try the one-pot dish if they’re feeling brave enough today, and
• You’re sending the message that “in our family we eat XX, and you’re an important part of our family, so I’m serving you XX”.

Check out my picky eating book for more successful tips for successfully feeding toddlers.

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Is it EVER Okay to Serve Something Different to Kids?

This week I answer a VIP's question about what to do when some of the foods that you'd like to eat for dinner are foods your toddler doesn't eat. Do you have a question that you'd like me to answer? Send me an email at kristen@vitaminkconsulting.com.

Handling a Toddler With No "Off" Switch with Food

This week’s small bite comes from a VIP who asked: “How to handle a toddler who has no off switch with food (wants to eat all of the time, gets very angry when she is finished - even after multiple servings)?”

This is a question that’s very difficult for me to answer without completing a full in-person nutrition assessment for the child. There can be many different causes for a toddler to seemingly have no off switch with food. And the action to take as a parent (i.e. the how to handle it) differs depending on the cause.

I’ve spent lots of time considering how to respond – even contemplating not answering it at all because I don’t have all the information I need to weigh in on this particular situation. But I didn’t want to leave this VIP hanging. So I’ve decided to outline some of the possibilities of what could be happening to cause her toddler to seem to have no off switch with food. If you're concerned about your toddler not having an off switch with food, the best way for me to help you is an individual session. Click here for more details about my individual child nutrition services.

I’ll start by addressing the least likely possible causes and lead to the most probable causes of appearing to have no off switch with food.

There are some extremely rare genetic disorders, such as Prader-Willi syndrome, that include the inability to feel full. If a child has been diagnosed with one of these disorders then he/she will have a variety of needs that differ than other children and will require feeding strategies other than the strategies that I share. However, these disorders are so rare that I’m assuming this isn’t the case for the VIP who asked the question.

There is also some emerging evidence that there may be kids who don’t have any genetic disorders, but who aren’t able to feel the signals when their bodies tell them that they’re satisfied. But, it’s controversial whether or not these kids exist. As such, there aren’t ‘best practices’ for how to respond as parents.

What the scientific evidence does show is that the vast majority of kids are born knowing how to listen to their bodies to let them know if they’re hungry or full/satisfied. It’s through our culture that we learn to ignore these feelings and look to outside cues to tell us how much to eat. This is what we’re teaching when we make babies finish that last ounce of formula/breastmilk in a bottle or tell kids to “eat two more bites”.

What I often see when parents hire me to help because their toddler or preschooler won’t stop eating is that it isn’t really about the food, it’s really about the power struggle.

Many parents have a pre-conceived idea about how much their child should eat. Usually it comes from good intentions – such as wanting to avoid obesity. So they put a limit on how much their child can eat at a meal or snack. However, it’s very normal for toddlers and preschoolers to vary widely in how much they eat from day-to-day. Some days they’ll eat so such that you don’t know where they’re putting all the food. Other days they’ll eat so little that you’ll wonder how they’re surviving. This is normal. And, when adults don’t interfere with it, kids grow well and have the body shapes that nature (i.e. genetics) intends for them.

Nothing makes a child want something more than to make it taboo. Studies show that when parents restrict the amount of food that kids are allowed to eat, the kids are more likely to grow up to be obese. Developmentally, toddlers and preschoolers are striving for independence. So, by limiting food, parents are starting a battle in which their toddler/preschooler is very happy to participate.

The solution? Take the high road and refuse to engage in the battle. Allow your child to choose how much to eat. For the first while she/he’ll be so delighted to no have restrictions that she/he’ll make the incorrect choice and eat too much. But after a few times, she/he’ll realize that her/his behaviour isn’t getting a reaction from you - that there’s no fun in this game because they no longer have an opponent. And, they’ll turn back to listening to their bodies for how much food to eat and will stop when satisfied.

Kids' Bedtime Snacks – Do or Don’t?

Rarely do I complete a workshop without a parent asking me about kids' bedtime snacks – are they a ‘do’ or a ‘don’t’?

In short – either option can work. But, you must make a choice. And, there are common pitfalls that you want to avoid. Otherwise, kids' bedtime snacks can actually contribute to them not eating well at dinner. And, contribute to kids not meeting their nutrition needs.

Often I see families only offering their kids bedtime snacks when their picky eater doesn’t eat well at dinner. This is the ‘don’t’. It’s a ‘don’t’ because it tends to backfire. Kids quickly figure out that if they don’t eat at dinner (where they usually are presented with more challenging foods), they can get a bedtime snack only a short while later that includes favourite foods.

Unfortunately, you’re reinforcing the behavior that you don’t want. You’re inadvertently rewarding kids for not eating their dinner.

Instead, make a new family rule – choose either:

1. There is always a kids bedtime snack
2. There is never a kids bedtime snack

If you choose to never have bedtime snacks, kids will quickly learn that if they choose to not eat at dinner, they’ll need to wait until breakfast the next day to eat again.

If you choose that there is always a bedtime snack, make sure that there is at least 1 hour between dinner and bedtime snack. And, at bedtime snack offer foods from 2 – 4 food groups. Sometimes choose to offer favourite foods. And, sometimes choose to offer a challenging food.

Oh, and brush teeth after bedtime snack.

Check out my book for more shttps://providetrustlove.com/bookuccessful tips for picky eater toddlers and preschoolers.