Does She Ever Get Ice Cream?

Guest post on the Love Child Organics Blog: http://www.lovechildorganics.com/blog/

A parent asked the following question:

How to handle dessert and treats. If a three year old never eats much of her meals, and we’re not meant to say, “no ice-cream unless you eat your dinner” does she ever get ice-cream?

This is a question that I’m asked all the time. In fact, it’s probably the most common preschooler nutrition question that I’m asked!

It’s very common for there to be a rule that kids must eat a certain number of bites of their vegetables/protein-foods/ dinner in order to “earn” dessert or treats.

The intentions behind it are laudable – you’re a good parent who wants your kids to eat healthy food and get good nutrition.

However, this rule not only starts mealtime battles, it actually teaches kids the opposite of what you’re intending.

Afterall, if you say that your child needs to eat 4 bites of broccoli before ‘earning’ her ice cream, then it opens the door for her to negotiate with you for only 3 or 2 bites. Or, for the size of the bites to be miniscule. It’s frustrating for you. And it’s a fantastic power struggle game that your preschooler will love.

What this rule is actually teaching kids is that healthy food is an awful chore that deserves to be rewarded. And, it reinforces that the treat food is amazing.

Studies show that kids who need to ‘earn’ treat foods in this way, when given unrestricted access to treats, will eat more of them, and at the expense of healthier foods. In other words, while making your child eat those 2 bites of broccoli before getting ice cream may get some broccoli into your child today, it’s at the expense of your child learning to choose to eat (and enjoy) broccoli.

So the parent who submitted the question is right – I recommend not saying “no ice-cream unless you eat your dinner”.

Instead, I recommend that you do what I call ‘control the menu’.

You choose what’s going to be served at each meal and snack. Sometimes this includes ice cream and other treats. Allow your child to eat as much as she/he wants of any and all the foods that you’ve served.

Yes, this may mean that she eats nothing but ice cream for dinner. It’s tough, but you need to let it go (as a dietitian I admit that I find this difficult too).

The way to influence your child to choose healthier foods is to: 1. Control how often ice cream (and other treats) are on the menu. For example, dessert isn’t served every night. 2. Role model eating (and enjoying) your non-treat foods in addition to your ice cream.

By using these two strategies, you’ll not only get healthy food into your child today, but you’ll be instilling in them a life-long habit of healthy eating.

How Much is Enough Food for My Baby?

A big thank you to the parent who shared this question: "How much is enough food for my baby? Tonight I thought I would give in and see how it went. He polished off……. While she was specifically talking about how much food to provide at bedtime snack, I’m asked this question a lot, in fact I’m asked it at almost every workshop.

It’s quite an easy one to answer. And, the answer of how much food to give your baby applies to any meal or snack:

As much as they are hungry for.

Now at my workshops, this answer usually is met with confused faces. So, let me expand.

As the adult, it’s your role to provide opportunities to eat 5 or 6 times a day. It’s your child’s role to choose how much to eat.

I recognize that it’s difficult to trust them to know how much to eat. But it really is best to do so.

We’re born being able to know when we are hungry and when we are satisfied. Over time, through social pressures, we learn to not listen to our bodies and instead look to external cues for how much to eat. This is a contributor to eating disorders and obesity.

Studies show that when kids are raised in households where they’re told to stop eating before they’re satisfied (i.e. because the adult believes that their child has “had enough”), they learn to sneak food and gorge on food when they get the opportunity.

On the flip side, when kids are forced to eat more than they are hungry for, they learn to over-ride their bodies’ signals and they learn to overeat.

Instead, trust your child to listen to their bodies and eat as much as their bodies tell them. How much is enough food for your baby will vary from day-to-day. Some days they’ll eat so much that you don’t know where they’re putting it all. Other days they’ll eat so little that you won’t know where they’re getting their energy from.

You’ll know that your baby is getting enough to eat when they have lots of energy and their growth is tracking along their curve on their growth chart.

So, while the VIP who shared this question thought that she was “giving in”, she was actually doing the best thing for her child – teaching him to listen to and respect his own body. Great job Mom!

Check out my picky eating kids book for more tips on feeding your child to meet their nutrition needs.

I Don't Like That! Give Me Something Else!

{Originally posted as a guest post on Love Child Organics http://www.lovechildorganics.com/blog/} The following question was asked on the Love Child Organics Facebook page: "How do we get our 3 year old to stop saying "I don't like that, give me something else!" at every meal?"

This is such a classic 3 year old move!

It typically comes from two different root causes – both based on a 3 year old’s developmental stage. Because I’m not in this parent’s home, I can’t determine which one is the cause. So here’s a description of both causes. The good news is that the solution is the same, regardless of the root cause.

"I Don't Like That" Root Cause #1:

It’s frustrating but it’s a 3 year old’s ‘job’ to push boundaries. At this developmental stage they spend most of each day trying to control each and every situation. It’s a normal part of them exploring how:

• He/she is an individual,
• She/he has choice, and
• There are some rules that he/she doesn’t get a say in.

"I Don't Like That" Root Cause #2:

Most 3 year olds are at a developmental stage where they’re afraid to try new foods. I call this stage ‘food-wariness’. Three-year-olds don’t have the language to express that the food you’ve served makes them anxious. So instead they say that they “hate it”. You’ll know that your child has reached this stage if they announce that they hate something before they’ve ever tried it.

Solution

Regardless of whether your child is enjoying pushing your buttons (root cause #1) or afraid of trying the food (root cause #2), the absolute best way to get a child to stop asking this question is to not get them something different to eat the very first time that they ask. And, to not make kids try “just one bite”. Instead, tell them that they don’t have to eat it – it’s their choice. But you aren’t making anything else for dinner. And let them know when the next time is that you’ll be serving food – e.g. bedtime snack.

This way you are putting in a firm boundary – i.e. not making something else. But you’re giving them the ability to control the situation (which they want so desperately) because they get to control whether or not they eat the food.

After asking a few times (perhaps with a meltdown/temper tantrum or two), they’ll realize that this is one of the rules that they don’t get a say in. They’ll realize that they truly do have control over whether or not they eat the food. And, they’ll move on.

However, most of the parents whom I work with didn’t ‘nip this in the bud’. Because they’re amazing parents who want to make sure that their child gets the nutrition that she/he needs, they get up and make their child something different. While this may work in the short term (i.e. tonight), it backfires in the long term. Because what you’ve just taught you child is that what you serve for dinner is only one option. And, they simply have to say that they don’t like it to get another option. To a toddler, having the power to make your parents do things is the ultimate score. And they’ve just found out a way to do it!

The solution is actually the same as if you ‘nipped it in the bud’ – but with the addition of telling them about this new rule before you implement it.

1. Tell your child that there will be a new rule in the house. Describe the new rule.
2. At the next dinner, when your child rejects what you’ve served and asks for something different, remind them of the new rule and don’t get them something different to eat.
3. Remind them that it’s their choice whether or not to take any bites.
4. Let them know when the next time is that you’ll be serving food – e.g. bedtime snack.
5. If they complain of being hungry later, have a discussion with them about how they’re feeling hungry now because they chose not to eat anything at dinner. Tomorrow they can have the opportunity to make a different choice. Remind them of when the next time is that you’ll be serving food – e.g. bedtime snack.

While it’s an awful feeling to know that your child is hungry, this method, called the Division of Responsibility for Feeding, has been proven by scientific studies to actually increase kids’ openness to trying new foods, leading to better nutritional health.

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Is There Really Progress If Kids Consistently DON’T Eat It?

I received the following question from a parent: "…reading about how "you may have to serve a particular food as many as X times before they will eat it": is there really progress in serving a food if kids consistently DON'T eat it?  Like don't even try it / does not go anywhere near their mouth or even their hand?  I feel as though I have probably served various vegetables to my son well over a hundred times and he still doesn't eat them, and still doesn't even come close to trying them.  And frankly, I wonder how he will ever come to try them since he seems stubborn enough to continue dodging them for many years to come...  

I can hear your frustration in your writing. The truth is that there is no guaranteed way that you can get your child to like a particular food.

But don’t give up!

There absolutely is progress…even if they don’t try it!

By seeing the food over and over again, you are normalizing the food for your child. Many kids are honestly scared to try new foods. The more times that they see it (even if they don’t try it), the less scary it becomes. And, by seeing you (and other influential people) eat it, it helps them come to trust the food.

You never know when the magical day will come that your child will try it. If you stop serving it now you’ll never know if it would have been the next time, or the time after that.

Here are some tips to follow to make sure that each time you’re serving these vegetables you’re maximizing the likeliness that he’ll try them:

• Make sure there isn’t any pressure to try (and like) foods. Many picky eaters are sensitive kids. They can feel pressure coming from you a mile away. By preparing and serving foods you’ve indicated that you want them to eat it. Enough said. Instead, focus your energy on enjoying each other during this family time. It seems counter intuitive, but the more pleasant the table experience, the more likely kids are to try new foods.
•  Give small servings. A small serving is less intimidating than a large one. If he tries it and likes it, he can ask for more. If he doesn’t, then you’re minimizing your food waste.
• No “one bite rule” (also known as the “no thank you bite”). While the “one bite rule” may work for some kids, it only fuels picky eating in many, many kids. And while it may get one bite of that food in your child today, it isn’t teaching him to like these foods. What he’s learning is to eat to please others – the opposite of mindful eating.
•  Allow touching, licking and spitting out. For picky eaters, putting a food in their mouths is a very intimate action. These steps allow a child to ‘get to know’ a food before eating it. Teach your child how to do these activities with good manners (such as spitting food out into their napkin).

And, last but not least, rest assured that even if your child never develops a taste for specific vegetables, he can still have good nutritional health – we humans do best when we eat a variety of foods. There’s no one individual specific food that we must eat in order to be healthy. Which is a good thing because I still haven’t learned to like Brussels sprouts yet (and yes, I do keep trying them). However, an openness to trying different foods is a key (and learned) skill necessary for having a healthy relationship with food. By continuing to present these vegetables, this is exactly what you’re teaching your child. Great job!

Looking for more tips? Get successful picky eater tips directly in your inbox.

What to do When Your Toddler Can Spot a Carrot at 100 Paces

{Guest post on the Love Child Organics blog: http://www.lovechildorganics.com/blog/} Catherine asked the following question on the Love Child Organics Facebook page: “Toddlers and vegetables... What do you do when your toddler can spot a carrot at 100 paces?!”

Catherine, you’re not alone in having this conundrum. In fact, this is probably the most frequent question that I’m asked!

Vegetables are the most common food group that toddlers don’t like to eat. Research suggests that it’s because young taste buds are more sensitive to the bitter flavour compounds naturally present in many vegetables.

But, this doesn’t mean that you need to throw up your hands and never serve your child another vegetable until they’re 21!

Before I share successful strategies, I want to let you know two really important points: 1. Fruits and vegetables are in the same food group in Canada’s Food Guide. If your child eats fruit, they’re getting many of the nutrients found in vegetables. 2. As a parent it’s not your job to make your child eat specific foods. Bribing, forcing, and other tactics may get your child to eat that bite of broccoli today, but it doesn’t teach him/her to like vegetables. And, it will likely make it more difficult to get him/her to eat that same bite of broccoli tomorrow. Instead, it’s adults’ role to provide the opportunity to eat a variety of foods. And, it’s a child’s role to choose what and how much to eat from what’s been provided to him/her. The more you overstep your role, even when you do so with the best of intentions, the less likely it is that your child will eat vegetables.

Here are strategies that do work to encourage kids to eat vegetables (including carrots): • Repeat, repeat, repeat. It’s difficult to have the patience needed when your little one refuses to eat a food that you’d really like them to eat. But studies do show that the more times you present a food, the more likely your child will be to eat it. • Allow touching, smelling, licking, and spitting out. For many kids, putting a food in their mouths is a very intimate action. All of these activities let a child get to know the food. Encourage them to explore the food this way as a part of working themselves up to eating it. • Present the vegetable in various ways. For example, just because your child hasn’t liked steamed carrots it doesn’t mean that they won’t like them raw, or in a stir-fry, or in a casserole, or pureed, etc. • Use dip. A recent study found what many parents already know – that kids will be more likely to try, and will eat more of, a vegetable if they’re served with dip. • Give small servings. One tiny piece of carrot is much less intimidating than a large serving. If your child does eat it, they can always ask for more. If they don’t eat it, then you’re minimizing food waste. • Be a carrot-eating role model. I always say that the number one way to guarantee that your kids won’t eat vegetables is by not eating vegetables yourself. Role modeling is especially important for parents who are the same sex as their kids. For example, little boys pick up very quickly that ‘boys don’t eat vegetables’ if their Mom eats veggies but their Dad doesn’t. Serving the food and role modeling eating it sends the message loud and clear that you want your child to eat the food – you don’t need to say anything more.

The most important thing is to never give up. You never know when the magical day will come that your child will try, and like, carrots. It might be today, or next week, or perhaps your child will grow up and never be a fan of carrots. This is okay too. Afterall, one can be healthy even if they don’t eat carrots (as long as they eat a wide variety of other vegetables). You can even become a dietitian and not like Brussels sprouts (I know this first-hand – and yes, every winter I do try them again).

Get more successful picky eating tips for toddlers right in your inbox.

Do Toddlers Like One-Pot Meals?

Thank you to the parent who sent in the following request for an article topic asking do toddlers like one-pot meals. In her own words “…whether toddlers tend to like a bunch of different foods in one plate (e.g. lots of choice), or a couple of choices, or a "one-pot meal")” I can answer this in one phrase – all of the above.

OK, I’m just kidding. I guess my parents’ scolding for being a “smart-alek” didn’t stick, LOL ☺

Toddler Food Preferences

To be straightforward, toddlers’ food preferences are as varied as everything else when it comes to kids. Some toddlers will like having many different foods on one plate, some toddlers will like having a couple of choices, and some toddlers do like one-pot meals. Over time you’ll find out which your child prefers.

That being said, more often than not, toddlers will prefer the first option. It’s very developmentally normal for toddlers and preschoolers to not want foods to touch. The science literature doesn’t know why.

Also, equally perplexing is why so many kids who don’t like their foods to touch, enjoy dips. Doesn’t the act of dipping involve making two foods touch? It’s just another example of how logic doesn’t apply in toddlerhood/preschooler-hood. So don’t bother arguing with your child about how the chicken that has touched the pea is the same as the chicken that hasn’t touched any peas. It’s a lesson in futility and, more likely than not, will end in anger.

Toddlers and One-Pot Meals

Now, just because your child will likely have a preference for foods that don’t touch or a preference for one-pot meals, it doesn’t mean that this is all you ever present to them.

As the wise Ellyn Satter says, “the goal of feeding your child is to have your child join you at the family table, not for you to join them at the highchair.”

In other words, when feeding your child you are actually achieving several goals. Yes, you are providing nutrition. But, you are also teaching them essential life skills, such as how to deal with the fact that one cannot exist on our favourite foods alone. And, that they are one member of the family – the entire world doesn’t revolve around them.

To achieve these multiple goals, day-to-day, present a variety of different styles of meals – styles that your family wants to eat. Sometimes there will be many different foods on one plate (commonly known as leftover night or buffets), sometimes there will be a couple of choices (such as the classic meat, potato, and side vegetable), and sometimes there will be one-pot meals (e.g. lasagna).

Deconstructing the meal can be a helpful strategy for serving one-pot meals for kids who prefer foods that don’t touch. To deconstruct a meal, serve each element from the meal separately to your little one. And, include one tiny piece of the foods touching. Using the lasagna example, serve your child some plain lasagna noodles, some sauce on the side, some plain lasagna filling (ricotta/ ground meat/ roasted vegetables etc), some plain grated cheese, and one tiny bite of the lasagna. This way:

• You’re all eating the same dish,
• You’re not having to prepare separate foods,
• Your child has the opportunity to try the one-pot dish if they’re feeling brave enough today, and
• You’re sending the message that “in our family we eat XX, and you’re an important part of our family, so I’m serving you XX”.

Check out my picky eating book for more successful tips for successfully feeding toddlers.

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Handling a Toddler With No "Off" Switch with Food

This week’s small bite comes from a VIP who asked: “How to handle a toddler who has no off switch with food (wants to eat all of the time, gets very angry when she is finished - even after multiple servings)?”

This is a question that’s very difficult for me to answer without completing a full in-person nutrition assessment for the child. There can be many different causes for a toddler to seemingly have no off switch with food. And the action to take as a parent (i.e. the how to handle it) differs depending on the cause.

I’ve spent lots of time considering how to respond – even contemplating not answering it at all because I don’t have all the information I need to weigh in on this particular situation. But I didn’t want to leave this VIP hanging. So I’ve decided to outline some of the possibilities of what could be happening to cause her toddler to seem to have no off switch with food. If you're concerned about your toddler not having an off switch with food, the best way for me to help you is an individual session. Click here for more details about my individual child nutrition services.

I’ll start by addressing the least likely possible causes and lead to the most probable causes of appearing to have no off switch with food.

There are some extremely rare genetic disorders, such as Prader-Willi syndrome, that include the inability to feel full. If a child has been diagnosed with one of these disorders then he/she will have a variety of needs that differ than other children and will require feeding strategies other than the strategies that I share. However, these disorders are so rare that I’m assuming this isn’t the case for the VIP who asked the question.

There is also some emerging evidence that there may be kids who don’t have any genetic disorders, but who aren’t able to feel the signals when their bodies tell them that they’re satisfied. But, it’s controversial whether or not these kids exist. As such, there aren’t ‘best practices’ for how to respond as parents.

What the scientific evidence does show is that the vast majority of kids are born knowing how to listen to their bodies to let them know if they’re hungry or full/satisfied. It’s through our culture that we learn to ignore these feelings and look to outside cues to tell us how much to eat. This is what we’re teaching when we make babies finish that last ounce of formula/breastmilk in a bottle or tell kids to “eat two more bites”.

What I often see when parents hire me to help because their toddler or preschooler won’t stop eating is that it isn’t really about the food, it’s really about the power struggle.

Many parents have a pre-conceived idea about how much their child should eat. Usually it comes from good intentions – such as wanting to avoid obesity. So they put a limit on how much their child can eat at a meal or snack. However, it’s very normal for toddlers and preschoolers to vary widely in how much they eat from day-to-day. Some days they’ll eat so such that you don’t know where they’re putting all the food. Other days they’ll eat so little that you’ll wonder how they’re surviving. This is normal. And, when adults don’t interfere with it, kids grow well and have the body shapes that nature (i.e. genetics) intends for them.

Nothing makes a child want something more than to make it taboo. Studies show that when parents restrict the amount of food that kids are allowed to eat, the kids are more likely to grow up to be obese. Developmentally, toddlers and preschoolers are striving for independence. So, by limiting food, parents are starting a battle in which their toddler/preschooler is very happy to participate.

The solution? Take the high road and refuse to engage in the battle. Allow your child to choose how much to eat. For the first while she/he’ll be so delighted to no have restrictions that she/he’ll make the incorrect choice and eat too much. But after a few times, she/he’ll realize that her/his behaviour isn’t getting a reaction from you - that there’s no fun in this game because they no longer have an opponent. And, they’ll turn back to listening to their bodies for how much food to eat and will stop when satisfied.

Kids' Bedtime Snacks – Do or Don’t?

Rarely do I complete a workshop without a parent asking me about kids' bedtime snacks – are they a ‘do’ or a ‘don’t’?

In short – either option can work. But, you must make a choice. And, there are common pitfalls that you want to avoid. Otherwise, kids' bedtime snacks can actually contribute to them not eating well at dinner. And, contribute to kids not meeting their nutrition needs.

Often I see families only offering their kids bedtime snacks when their picky eater doesn’t eat well at dinner. This is the ‘don’t’. It’s a ‘don’t’ because it tends to backfire. Kids quickly figure out that if they don’t eat at dinner (where they usually are presented with more challenging foods), they can get a bedtime snack only a short while later that includes favourite foods.

Unfortunately, you’re reinforcing the behavior that you don’t want. You’re inadvertently rewarding kids for not eating their dinner.

Instead, make a new family rule – choose either:

1. There is always a kids bedtime snack
2. There is never a kids bedtime snack

If you choose to never have bedtime snacks, kids will quickly learn that if they choose to not eat at dinner, they’ll need to wait until breakfast the next day to eat again.

If you choose that there is always a bedtime snack, make sure that there is at least 1 hour between dinner and bedtime snack. And, at bedtime snack offer foods from 2 – 4 food groups. Sometimes choose to offer favourite foods. And, sometimes choose to offer a challenging food.

Oh, and brush teeth after bedtime snack.

Check out my book for more shttps://providetrustlove.com/bookuccessful tips for picky eater toddlers and preschoolers.