How To Help a Child Not Eating Packed Lunch

It’s the second week of September. You made it through all the back-to-school craziness. You bought new clothes, school supplies, even figured out the family schedule for pick-up and drop-off. You likely browsed Pinterest, Instagram and Google for healthy, fun packed lunch ideas and dutifully engaged your inner food stylist so that your child had lunches that they loved.

Many clients have told me the stories of being in the dreaded line-up of parents doing school pick-up. Giving their child a quick hug and then opening the lunchbox to see what was eaten. Or, to be more accurate, to see what wasn’t eaten. This lunchbox check isn’t just a simple status update on what food your child digested that day. It’s a measure of your parenting skills, done in-front of a firing squad of your judgmental peers.

Or, at least that’s how it feels.

The purpose of my message today isn’t to jump on the judgment bandwagon. Quite the opposite in fact. I’m here today to let you know that whether or not your child ate their lunch isn’t a measure of your parenting skills. It isn’t about you at all. So drop the mommy-guilt and daddy-guilt. Let’s re-focus on your child. Because, this situation is actually about your child.

Why Kids Don’t Eat Packed Lunch

The ability to eat lunch in the highly distracting school environment is a life skill. And like any life skill, some kids pick it up easily and some find it more challenging. How quickly kids pick up on this new skill isn’t a measure of how “good” or “bad” a kid they are. And, it isn’t a measure of how “good” or “bad” a parent you are. I’ve helped thousands of families over my career. In my experience the kids who find eating lunch at school more challenging tend to be:

• Very social,

• Easily distracted, or

• Sensitive souls

How to Help Kids Eat Packed Lunch

In time, your child will pick up the important life skill of successfully eating a meal in a distracting environment. Here are some actions that you can take to support your child in learning this life skill. And, actions you can take to make sure that they are meeting their nutrition needs throughout the day.

1. Make sure containers are easy to open. Have your child practice at home so you can determine if they can do it without help.

2. Cut food into small pieces. Yes, this means cutting foods into smaller pieces than kiddos can handle at home. Because a smaller piece requires a shorter attention span. For example, cut sandwiches into 4 pieces, cut wraps into sushi-like round bites, or pack apple slices instead of a whole apple.

3. Plan an extra big breakfast and after-school snack to make up for a missed lunch. This isn’t the time to restrict afternoon snacks to smaller amounts of food. Allow kids to have as much to eat at snack-time as they are hungry for. Serve healthy foods from a variety of food groups. An easy way to do this is to allow kids to open up their lunchboxes and eat their lunch leftovers (i.e. the majority of their lunch) as their snack. If you packed it as a lunch meal, it’ll be a healthy choice for an afternoon snack. With one caveat – make sure that foods are still safe – i.e. foods that need to be refrigerated haven’t been at room temperature too long.

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Don't Serve the Same Food Two Days in a Row

Sometimes the simplest strategies in life can be the most effective. This certainly is the case with the successful strategy to help picky toddlers and preschoolers try new foods that I’m sharing with you today. So, what is this strategy? It’s: don’t serve the same food two days in a row. Let me explain…

As many parents of toddlers and preschoolers will tell you, 2 – 5 year olds like to eat the same foods every day. The technical term for this is a ‘food jag’. If it was up to them, they’d love to have exactly the same breakfast every day, exactly the same lunch every day, exactly the same snacks every day, and exactly the same dinner every day. We don’t know why this is so. But it is developmentally normal.

I see many well-intentioned parents happily give their kids the foods that they ask for – especially when they are healthy choices. But there are two problems with allowing kids to “choose what’s on the menu”:

• It can lead to unbalanced diets. Kids this age don’t understand that they need to eat a balanced diet. So they can’t take that into account when choosing what they want to eat. They simply want what they want.

• It can contribute to kids getting stuck in picky eating.

At this age when kids happily eat the same foods, we, the responsible adults, need to take the long-view. We need to encourage kids to be open to trying new foods. A way to do this without any battle or force-feeding, is to not give your child the same food at the same meal or snack two days in a row. This doesn’t mean that you need a 14 day, rotating, gourmet menu. It can be as simple as alternating between toast and oatmeal at breakfast. And, it can be as simple as rotating amongst apple slices, strawberries, and an orange at snack time.

If you’re just starting your baby on solid foods, awesome, you’re in the best position! Make this a rule from the very beginning. You’ll help prevent picky eating as your baby grows in to a toddler and preschooler.

What about if you’ve already got a picky toddler or preschooler on your hands who is firmly entrenched in the habit of having the same food every single day?. Here’s what to do (this also works for school-age kids too):

• Step #1: Write out a list of every food that your child will eat. Organize your list by food group.

• Step #2: Pick one meal or snack. Create a plan for next week where, at that particular meal or snack, you rotate amongst the foods your child does like. For example, say your child likes cucumber slices and raw baby carrots. But for packed lunch at daycare you always pack raw baby carrots. This week, for your child’s packed lunch at daycare, you pack raw baby carrots on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. On Tuesday and Thursday, you pack cucumber slices. Do this for 2 – 3 weeks for your child to become accustomed to the change.

• Step #3: Move on to a different meal or snack. Or, move on to another component of your child’s packed lunch. For example, say your child likes both no-nut butter sandwiches and cheese sandwiches. But for packed daycare lunch, you always pack no-nut butter sandwiches. On Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, pack a no-nut butter sandwich. On Tuesday and Thursday, pack a cheese sandwich. Continue this for 2 – 3 weeks.

• Step #4 and Beyond: Repeat this process until your child is seeing a rotation of different foods for each component of their meals and snacks. At any time after step #3, introduce new foods instead of just rotating amongst their current favourites.

Looking for support with your child? Book an information call today.

Preventing Picky Eating - Lessons from a Spanish Buffet

You’ll not likely be surprised to hear that one of the things I love to do while travelling is to observe and experience different people’s cultural food ways. I was travelling alone for two of my four weeks in Spain last month so I had lots of time to observe how people ate.

One thing that really struck me is how people chose their food at a buffet. In one of my hotels, a breakfast buffet was included. There was an optional dinner buffet too. I noticed that the Spanish families ate very differently at buffets than we do here in North America.

You know the routine here in North America. Every family member goes up to the buffet and chooses how much of which foods they’ll put on their plates. Kids who are too young to serve themselves either stay at the table and they receive a plate made up for them by a parent. Or, the little ones come up to the buffet and “help” choose what foods go on their individual plate. Then every family member sits down with their individual plates and people eat.

This is completely different than how the Spanish do buffets. What I observed is that some family members stayed sitting at the table and some went up to the buffet. Everyone placed an empty plate in front of themselves at the table. The family members up at the buffet would select a plate full of foods from the buffet that they would place in the middle of the table. For example in the middle of the table at dinner there were plates full of meat, plates full of fish, plates full of vegetables, a plate full of bread, and a plate full of olives. One food per plate. Then, everyone served themselves from these plates. In this way, even at a buffet, everyone shared the same meal. Yes, even if there were toddlers, preschoolers or older kids amongst the family members.

Why am I telling you this? I can’t help but draw parallels between what I observed at the buffet table and how people responded to me when I described what I did for a living. The Spanish folks whom I talked to were completely confused when I said that I helped families with picky eaters. It wasn’t a language barrier- these folks’ English skills were very good and we experienced no problems communicating ideas until this point. People were understanding me when I said that I was a dietitian (although sometimes I needed to use the term “nutritionist”). But they didn’t understand the concept that some kids don’t eat well. They didn’t understand that kids refuse to eat a variety of foods. They didn’t understand that this situation is stressful for parents and creates an unhealthy relationship with food for the kids that can last a lifetime. And, that I can help sort out the situation so that kids choose to try new foods on their own, meet their nutrition needs, and develop lifelong healthy eating habits. Nope, my Spanish conversation partners were completely baffled by me.

You see, these Spanish folks were already doing many of the techniques that I teach parents. I teach making one meal for the whole family. I teach serving food from shared plates. I teach allowing kids to choose from the foods that you provide, without parents getting involved in demanding two more bites of one food in order to earn seconds of another food. I teach planning a meal so that there’s at least one familiar food that each person in the household enjoys. And, most importantly, I teach having pleasant conversations at the table. Each and every one of these techniques I saw in operation at the buffet restaurant. And guess what. The kids stayed at the table during the entire meal. The kids knew how to take turns in a conversation. The kids ate well. The parents didn’t need to scold their kids or cajole them to eat their peas. There were no mealtime meltdowns.

I suspect that the Spanish traditional way of eating was preventing the ubiquitous picky eating that causes us so much trouble here. That picky eating was such a rare concept in Spain that people just hadn’t heard of it. I’m sharing my observations with you today in the hopes to inspire you to eat more like the Spanish – and I’m not referring to the Iberico ham, paella and olives!

Does the 1-Bite Rule Work?

Many families use the 1-bite rule at mealtimes. What’s the 1-bite rule? It’s when there is a family rule that kids need to try 1 bite of every food on their plate. Other names for this rule include the “no thank you bite” and the “polite bite”.

I get a lot of people asking me whether or not it’s a good strategy. The answer is: it depends.

What does it depend on? Two things:

1. Your child’s temperament
2. That it’s okay to not like a food

Your Child’s Temperament

Temperament is the term used to describe the inherent way that a child responds emotionally and behaviourally to challenges or new situations. We usually use the term “personality”. Some children are more outgoing, some more reserved. Some are more adventurous, while some like to sit back and observe before taking action. All of these temperaments are normal—but they do influence how your child approaches eating.

The 1-bite rule works well for kids who are more adventurous because they are more comfortable jumping into new situations. For reserved kids, forcing them to take action before they’re ready just causes them to dig their heels in further and become more resistant to trying new foods. Most of the time when parents hire me to work with their family, their kids have a more reserved temperament. We remove the 1-bite rule and the child is allowed to proceed at his own pace. Once he trusts that he truly is in control, he’ll try new foods on his own.

That it’s Okay to Not Like a Food

It’s so easy to do. You’ve racked your brain to figure out what new recipe your family will enjoy, grocery shopped, and prepared the dish. So, when she tries her 1 bite, out you blurt “It’s good right?” or perhaps you say “See, it’s not so bad. Try another bite”. I’ve also heard well-meaning Dads say “See, your Mom is a good cook.” Because you’ve put so much effort and love into the dish, you want your family to enjoy it. The unfortunate side effect is that this pressure will make your little one less likely to try something. Because now she not only has to try it –she has to like it too.

In general I don’t recommend the 1-bite rule. Kids are smart. They understand that when you serve food, you want them to eat it. If you do choose to have the 1-bite rule in your family, make sure that your child is the adventurous type and it truly needs to be okay for your child to try a food and not like it.

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